Angry Autism Mom – Introduction

I have a son (elementary school age) with Aspergers and I’m angry.  I don’t see it as a “gift.”  I will never “accept” it.  I’m keeping it real about Autism.  On this blog, you will hear my unedited, real feelings. 

In my real life, I am a professional.  I live in a well-to-do area.  I put on my workclothes, go to my job, help with homework, bake cookies.  I smile.  I act cordial.  I’m pretending all the time.

No one knows (unless you are in this boat) what it is like to be a parent of a child with special needs.  Before I had kids, I never thought my kids would have a problem.  My husband and I are college educated.  We waited to have children until we were financially and emotionally ready.  I was not over age 35 (am now).  I took folic acid.  I didn’t drink or eat lunch meat during my pregnancy.  I breastfed for over one year (each child).   And now BOTH of my children ride the Special Ed bus (the fucking short bus).

My Older Son (Aspergers/ADHD):  I’ll call him John.  John has had problems since my pregnancy.  There were issues with his kidneys, heart, and brain.  I cried every day during my pregnancy – worrying whether he be born alive, whether he would need neurosurgery, whether he would be “normal.”  When he was born, all the doctors said he was fine.  His apgar scores were 10/10.  I mostly felt reassured… like I could breathe. 

My Younger Son (ADHD/ODD):  I’ll call him Alex.  Alex is going into Kindergarten (special ed classroom).  Alex has been a spitfire since birth.  As an infant, he was social, funny, made great eye contact.  BUT – he never slept, was very difficult to soothe, and cried all the time.  At age 1.5, he started headbanging.  I was in denial.  I thought, “I can’t have two sons with problems —  Alex has to be fine.”  The pediatrician said not to worry.  He didn’t talk until he was almost three.  He got kicked out of preschool – he couldn’t obey any rules. 

Ok, so you may be thinking that we: are bad parents, are overindulgent, don’t know how to set limits, have marital problems, didn’t get help early enough, are in denial, etc.  You couldn’t be more wrong.  I could list all the therapies we have tried, all the money we have spent, all the books we have read.  Maybe in a later blog I will.  

If you are a parent who IS in my shoes and you are offended in any way, don’t read this.  I COMMEND you if you don’t see things as I do.  If you have accepted your child’s disabilities, more power to you.

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About angryautismmom

I'm angry my son has Aspergers. I never will accept it or see it as a "gift." I'm twittering (@angryautismmom) and blogging about how AUTISM SUCKS. My other son has ADHD/ODD. I'm here to keep it real about my experience. I love my boys more than life itself. My heart aches.
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4 Responses to Angry Autism Mom – Introduction

  1. Rachel says:

    Hi- welcome to the blogosphere!…..sorry you’re having such a hard time- it’s not easy being the parent of an ASD child, I know as I’m one too (I also blog about it). You can’t blame yourself and you shouldn’t listen to anyone who tries to blame you- it’s only their ignorance 🙂

    Rachel

  2. Lolo says:

    I understand.I have 6 kids 4 of them have autism some high funct some low funct, all are behind academically plus two of them also are dyslexic. My 6th child looks to be nuerotypical but she’s only two I look at her everyday and wait for her to turn off. My one son we are just working on getting dxs I pray he is deaf and not Aut but really I know better. My 9 yo has been taking a med that was really helpng really and devoloped a life long nuerological problem as a side effect. As if Aut was not bad enough now he has total body uncontrollable movements, people stare at him whenever we go out and I dint care what any says…..they are aware they are different and it hurts them too. I should start my own blog. We homeschool bc we were reported falsly for abuse to the police and DCFS every time he had an IEP. And the baserds got away with it. Then one day my sweet baby came home from school with bruises all over his neck. He told us his teacher did it. The police refused to take a report from us…..now we homschool. And ppl judge me saying I’m a bad mom 4 not getting him district services, ha! They only offer crap anyways.I’ve ranted enough I think I will start my own blog. Thanks for reading, I feel better.

  3. Welcome to blog land… where anything you say, can’t and won’t be hold against you. 🙂 I am a mother of a child with autism and blog about it aswell (with my husband). I’m personally looking forward to your blogs.

  4. Amalia Starr says:

    I love your honesty! I can still relate even though my boys are now men. It is not easy when you have a child or in your case both children act out in public. People give you the evil eye. Just think 37 years ago I was doing this and had no one to talk to. Thank God you have others to connect with and find support. Today, I am an autism motivational speaker and I love what I do. I spread HOPE in the autism and special needs arena, because of my son, Brandon. He has Asperger’s, intractable epilepsy, and severe learning disorders. The professionals told us he would never be able to live alone. They were wrong! Brandon has been living on is own for the past 13 years, enjoying his independence. I don’t want to give you the false impression that life is perfect for Brandon, because it isn’t. He works hard to make it through each day. He has amazing determination. When he was growing up I remember the grocery store, drug store, the bank, and the everyday errands, I even write about them in my book, Raising Brandon. It is tough raising children with special needs and I understand that firsthand. Let me leave you with this: If you’re going through hell, keep going.~ Winston Churchill
    I am here to support you any way I can.
    Amalia Starr

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